Hold On To That Belief
by NerdyAddict
Summary: Post 3x09 and speculation 3x10 drabble (don't read if you don't want minor spoilers, or have not seen 3x09 or promo stuff) Felicity's reactions to several things happening (I suck at summaries, the note at the beginning explains better) and then how she spends her New Years Eve night.


**This is a little one-shot I wrote because I reached 100 followers on tumblr... It's post 3x09 and some speculations for 3x10... Basically my muse decided it wanted me to cry late at night when I wrote this, SO I am sorry if it makes anyone cry but it hurt to write... This is about Felicity finding out about Olivers death and how it changes things for her... Also on that note I did have to edit the ending because I don't like too much pain... oh and if anyone is reading my multi-chapter Here and Now, I promise I am writing the next chapter and hoping I can have that up soon (I am poorly so sorry if I don't) anyway ENJOY!**

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><p>"<em>Oliver Queen is dead" Felicity stood there emotionless<em>

_"You're lying" she said softly not wanting to believe it. Malcolm pulled out the blade still covered in blood and gently placed it on her desk_

_"Test his DNA if you don't believe me but I assure you Oliver was killed by Ra's Al Ghul" she watched as Malcolm slowly ascended the stairs. _

_It wasn't till the click of the door closing that she let herself feel the pain. She screamed as she dropped to the floor, she felt like her whole life had been torn to pieces in front of her. Her chest hurt as she sobbed, unable to control herself. He couldn't be dead. She'd feel it, she'd know. But still it hurt; hurt more than any physical pain she had ever experienced. That was how Roy and John found her, how they learnt the "truth" and how they also found themselves huddled on the floor comforting her through their own tears._

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><p>It was New Year's Eve, it hadn't even been a month since Olivers death but Felicity had never given up<p>

"I think you should go home Felicity" Diggle said softly by her side. She could see the concern all over his face. She hadn't slept properly since that night; she kept imagining him out there by himself, or worse dying alone. But every fibre of her being told her not to give up, that Oliver was still alive

"Felicity, I think Diggles right" Roy said slowly

"And it's been nearly a month Felicity, no sign of him, you've been using Palmers satellites, S.T.A.R labs, even Waller and nobody can locate Oliver anywhere-"

"I'm _**not**_ giving up on him John" she said looking up at him. He frowned as he stared down at her pale, gaunt face; the dark circles under eyes making her look even more drained

"I'm not saying that, I just don't want you to give up on yourself either. I mean look at _you_" she glanced at her appearance, her skirt was on wonky, her blouse stained, her hair pulled up in a ponytail but not brushed immaculately, she had no makeup on "I just think you need to look after yourself as well"

"I am" she said not meeting his eyes

"Let me take you home Felicity" she shook her head

"I promise, I'm not giving up, on him or myself"

"We know that, you've caught and tracked more bad guys in this last month than I think I ever have" Roy said with a smile

"Well I've been spending all my spare time looking for Oliver even at work, it leads to _a lot_ of bad guys" she said trying to hide the tears rising

"He'd be proud of you, you know"

"Really? Because I've let my emotions take over and I'm not leading as well as I could"

"You are going through hell and yet you're still doing so much work-"

"And more so" Roy added

"And leading us, you're still here every day, guiding us in, giving us valuable information" she nodded

"I just let my appearance go" she said gently

"Hey, you'll get that spark back"

"Not until Oliver's _home_" the two guys exchanged a look before stepping away

"We're just going to get ready to go" Roy said softly and Felicity nodded as both men left the room. She made her way towards the glass cabinet housing Olivers Arrow gear. She slowly pulled the jacket off the dummy, pulling it close to her skin and taking in his aroma. Her senses went into over drive unable to stop images of him popping into her mind. She walked back to her seat gently placing his hood in her lap as she typed furiously on the keyboard. Slowly her eyes grew heavy.

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><p>"Felicity"<p>

"Huh" she said slowly opening her eyes

"Felicity we're just going home" Diggles voice cut through as she raised her head to see Roy and Dig at the bottom of the stairs "You sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yep... Just going to finish this off"

"Happy New Year Felicity" they said in unison

"Happy New Year Guys" she said knowing without Oliver it wouldn't be.

She turned back to her computers typing furiously, as she heard the guys disappear. She felt her heart aching as the thought of the start of a new year without Oliver hurt her, she felt guilty, pain. She had lost the man she loved. _She loved_. She hadn't even said it back, because how was it possible he loved her. But right now all she could think about was how she might have lost her only chance to say it.  
>The sound of shoes on the stairs brought her back, she span around in her chair absent-mindedly<p>

"Guys I told you I'd be-" the scene in front of her cut her off. Oliver was stood there, casual clothes on looking no different from the last time she had seen him weeks ago. It was a good job she was sitting as she felt her legs go to jelly "I have to be hallucinating" she said unable to pull her eyes from him "You can't be _real_" she said laughing "Way to go Felicity you have officially lost it girl"

"Felicity" the way he said her name made her heart hammer, her brain truly had made this hallucination life like "Felicity it's _me_" he said slowly walking towards her

"Yes 'cause that's not what an hallucination would say too" she still hadn't moved from her spot

"Felicity I came back because of you, _for you_" he said walking closer

"Yep definitely in my head then" she said finally standing up closing her eyes briefly

"No, _I'm real_" he said gently placing his hand on her arm, the spark and heat was instant as she looked between his eyes and his hand. Her own hand shot up to caress his cheek

"It's you, _it's really you_?" He nodded "where have you been?"

"That doesn't matter... But I've done _everything_ to come back here, back to _your_ arms" they could hear the music in the club upstairs stop, as a timer rang out

**10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5**

"I love you Felicity"

**4, 3, 2, 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR**, the fireworks started booming loudly.

Before she could think his lips were on hers, everything they both had went into this kiss, all that tension and pain, all those hidden emotions all that love. Her hands snaked around his neck and his around her waist. Both melted into each other as they kissed like never before. When they both pulled back their foreheads touched and eyes remained closed

"I love you too Oliver" his eyes snapped open to stare into her already open blue orbs with wander

"You do?" He breathed

"I should have told you before you left, because I nearly lost you" she said a tear escaping, he gently kissed the tear away nudging her glasses slightly with his nose

"You didn't and you said it now" he smiled at her "Happy New Year Felicity"

"Happy New Year Oliver" she grinned staring up at him

"Remember to _always_ take care of yourself too" he said pulling back a little

"What?" She frowned, a loud boom shook her

"It's just the fireworks" her head continued to shake as she blinked rapidly, her surroundings fading as she clung on to Oliver.

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><p>"Oliver" she screamed jumping up from her position, she looked around her. She was in the foundry alone. She had been dreaming. She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears and pain. She hated these dreams the most, the ones where he had come home and they were happy, only to wake up and have it all ripped away from her again.<p>

She grabbed Olivers Arrow hood from her lap, slipped her arms in, and zipped it up, pulling the hood over her head. It was too big for her but she didn't care, she wrapped herself in it, completely covered by his scent. She pulled her glasses off, slowly slipped from the chair making her way over to his glass cabinet. She leant with her back towards the glass as she slid to the floor. She let the tears fall freely, as she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She couldn't help shaking as she sobbed again for the first time since the day she learnt of his demise.

An arm snaked around her shoulders pulling her into his chest, she knew it wasn't Oliver, she knew him to well

"It's okay, let it all out" Diggle said softly, a lump forming in his own throat

"He's... really _**dead**_... isn't he?" She said between sobs, Diggle pulled the hood down so he could look into her eyes

"I have already lost one brother," he swallowed hard "the thought of having lost another too" he shook his head as he closed his eyes "I want to believe he's alive Felicity but he's not been seen for weeks, no-one can track him..." She let her tears fall silently this time "no-one _except you_" he said a steel look his eyes "I know it's hard but do you feel like he's dead?"

"No... Not since the moment Malcolm told me"

"Then you need to hold on to that belief Felicity," she nodded "just don't do anything stupid and _please_ take care of yourself"

"I won't, I'll talk to you every step of the way and I promise I will... As soon as tomorrow starts I'll pull myself together... Be strong like you" she said with sincerity

"I'm not strong Felicity, a part of me believes he is dead" he said not meeting her gaze "I feel like I've lost my brother all over again, so I'll stay a part of this team to honour him" a few tears fell down his cheek and Felicity wiped them away

"That's okay John, I have enough belief for _all of us_" he smiled a little then "and you are allowed to cry too"

"I know, Lyla get's to see my tears" he said softly and Felicity nodded again feeling the knots in her chest, of never having had said I love you back tighten even more "he knows you know"

"What?"

"He knows you love him" her mouth fell open "he also knows how hard it is for you to open up to loving someone, so he never expected you to say it back" the countdown began from the club upstairs once again

**10,9,8,7,6**

"Roy's working with Thea, otherwise he'd be here too"

**5,4,3,2**

"That's okay..." She said gently rested her head on his shoulder

**1, HAPPY NEW YEAR** and the fireworks erupted around them

"Happy New Year Felicity, it'll get better I promise" she nodded unable to say the words with her dream still playing in her mind.

An alarm sounded on the monitors both of their heads shot up

"What is _that_?" Diggle asked never having heard the sound before. Felicity shot up running to the computers pulling on her glasses as she stared at the screen in disbelief

"He's alive" she whispered

"What?" John said rushing to her side

"_**Oliver's alive**_" she said dropping into her chair, her heart hammering in her chest as she cried tears for a completely different reason.


End file.
